It's All About The Man, Man
In light of the fact that I passed the first round of interviews today to actually work in a community police station, I've decided that I will pattern any and all future policing opportunities after that of William Shatner, aka T.J. Hooker. I figger that I can't fucking fail with a hairstyle like that, or a sincerely kickin' pose of macho-osity. I mean, look at this guy. You can smell the Aqua Velva or the Hai Karate! oozing from every pore.
See, he might be smiling right now, lookin' to get into some lovely lady's panties, but at any second, pow!, he will drop the mother of all kung fu grips on your ass and before you know it, you'll be doin' time in Sing Sing, motherfucker. The only guy who is possibly tougher than Will Shatner is David Hasselhoff, and only on Knight Rider. Fuck that Baywatch shit. Anyone can run on a beach. No one else has ever ridden in an electronic car that has speed flaps and can turbo jump. But still, that's only a pale shadow, the merest reflection, of T.J. Motherfucking Hooker. The only hombre who could touch T.J. Motherfucking Hooker would have to be Shaft, and not the Samuel L. Jackson Shaft, but the real Shaft, Richard Roundtree.
The second round involves one mother of a profile and background check, after which point I will have the equivalent security clearance of the President of the United States. Anyone who has a record should check back with me in a few months, maybe I can, y'know, work something out ...
For those of you out there who think that by my volunteering for the police force I am in some way contradicting my reason for living (that is to say, the general malaise and disgruntlement of mankind through small acts of random frustration) bear this in mind; any dumbass stupid enough to get caught by a shlomo in a bright yellow RCMP vest wearing a whistle around his neck deserves to get caught. I won't even be allowed to wear a gun. And I guarantee, if you can run faster than I can walk, you're gonna get away. (This is why they won't let me have a gun. I am all too willing to shoot first, second and third, get a cup of coffee and then ask questions.)
And if you think that they'll take any gomer with too much spare time on his hands, think again, motherfuckers. I had to watch two solid weeks of CSI on SpikeTV and every episode of Law and Order, Criminal Intent I could lay my hands on to answer those questions properly. I'm not even gonna mention CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, and all the other crime shows I watch like some kind of sociopathic nutbag.
I'm gonna be The Man, man, and then I'm gonna drop some righteous police intervention on your ass...
ps: please check out my Shaft link. It's got a cow in it. ( i scored 13)
See, he might be smiling right now, lookin' to get into some lovely lady's panties, but at any second, pow!, he will drop the mother of all kung fu grips on your ass and before you know it, you'll be doin' time in Sing Sing, motherfucker. The only guy who is possibly tougher than Will Shatner is David Hasselhoff, and only on Knight Rider. Fuck that Baywatch shit. Anyone can run on a beach. No one else has ever ridden in an electronic car that has speed flaps and can turbo jump. But still, that's only a pale shadow, the merest reflection, of T.J. Motherfucking Hooker. The only hombre who could touch T.J. Motherfucking Hooker would have to be Shaft, and not the Samuel L. Jackson Shaft, but the real Shaft, Richard Roundtree.
The second round involves one mother of a profile and background check, after which point I will have the equivalent security clearance of the President of the United States. Anyone who has a record should check back with me in a few months, maybe I can, y'know, work something out ...
For those of you out there who think that by my volunteering for the police force I am in some way contradicting my reason for living (that is to say, the general malaise and disgruntlement of mankind through small acts of random frustration) bear this in mind; any dumbass stupid enough to get caught by a shlomo in a bright yellow RCMP vest wearing a whistle around his neck deserves to get caught. I won't even be allowed to wear a gun. And I guarantee, if you can run faster than I can walk, you're gonna get away. (This is why they won't let me have a gun. I am all too willing to shoot first, second and third, get a cup of coffee and then ask questions.)
And if you think that they'll take any gomer with too much spare time on his hands, think again, motherfuckers. I had to watch two solid weeks of CSI on SpikeTV and every episode of Law and Order, Criminal Intent I could lay my hands on to answer those questions properly. I'm not even gonna mention CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, and all the other crime shows I watch like some kind of sociopathic nutbag.
I'm gonna be The Man, man, and then I'm gonna drop some righteous police intervention on your ass...
ps: please check out my Shaft link. It's got a cow in it. ( i scored 13)
posted by Unknown @ 10:13 PM
1 Comments:
You couldn't have picked a better role model. I haven't seen the show in years but if you can do that thing in the opening credits. You know the one, where he throws the nightstick that trips the bad guy then I'm behind you 100%
-E
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