Damn You, BestBuy, and your horrid psychological profiling, too!

As we all know, I'm an unemployed punk. Yeah, I sit around, geeking on the computer, downloading things I shouldn't download, and getting way too familiar with the 'music' rotation on MuchMusic. The kids at my local Starbucks have got my name, drink, and favorite snackables locked into memory. (MY drink cup gets labeled with my name... how about yours?)

BestBuy bought out Futureshop some time ago. Two friends of mine work for 'em now, and one other used to, so I thought, fuck, man, those guys are gomers just like me, so shit, why not? They got a website* for it and everything, just the sort of job application process that mentally famished shut-ins like me need!

It started out innocuously enough. The typical shit like name, phone number, address, jazz like that. I'm a seasoned pro, and my Firefox settings have got all that info, so most of the time, all I have to do is push a single letter, then enter. Yep. I'm all computer-y like that. Who knew that George Jetson would ever have to worry about his job?

But then, it went weird. Well, not weird, but, um ... nope, it was downright odd. It started asking me questions (and I was wearing my tinfoil ensemble, so it wasn't aliens) like 'do most people lie to get ahead' or 'if an employee gets into a shouting match with a customer, is it right to fire him' and 'have you ever thought about stealing from a company?'. It was a half an hour long. I was weeping and crying at the end of it. I've got a high IQ (140 for the geeks who take those tests, like it'll prove anything), so I pretty much know how to answer these questions so that I'll seem good, but not too good. I've done them before, for when I got roped into this HRDC 'Job Education Program', and it came out just like I wanted.

I wasted a half an hour of my life, at the end of which, I learned that I 'didn't possess the necessary skills and qualifications to meet the requirments for the position I was looking at'. Or something like that. I mean, I've bombed in interviews before. Royally. If there was a course I could teach on how to make sure you never got the job, I'd be the dood to sit there, stroke his goatee knowingly. I'm George Friggin' Costanza over here.

Maybe I should've lied when it asked me if I've ever lied to an employer before.

I'll never know now, because I'm pretty sure that in the interests of Provincial Security, they'll be forwarding my information and test results off to CSIS. After that, it'll be all downhill.


*be warned: the supposedly super-tech world of Bestbuy doesn't design their websites with Firefox users in mind. I had to use Internet Explorer, for fuck's sake. I should've known bettter.*