Klingon Language Institute? What the fuck?

All right, I admit, I've known about this for a long time, but today just seemed appropriate to air my views on the entire Klingon to English phenomenon, indeed, the entire Trekkie affair. The above logo is an actual link to a place where geeks can learn how to speak Klingonese. And I thought I was weird.

I mean, I'm a geek. I watch the Sci-Fi channel. I watch Star Trek: Original, The Next Generation and DS:9 (I'm not gonna admit I watched even a single episode of Voyager, so go screw.) I know a fair amount about the shows, the mythology, and even I have been guilty of busting out a Kirk impression once or twice when the Aldeberaan Whiskey has flowed freely. Shit, I've even played some of the FPS games that've come out. Come on, it's a blast, running around shooting people with phasers. I admit this freely, and with the full expectation that someone somewhere will make as much fun of me as I have of them.

But when weirdoes unite and form an entire language for a species that has not and will not ever exist is completely beyond me. When people have Klingon weddings, walk around talking Klingon to one another and pretend that they are, in fact, a Klingon themselves, they forfeit all rights and privileges accorded the rest of Humanity. They open themselves up for the ridicule of a nation, especially when they cover themselves in latex and head for the nearest TrekSciCon. (The only people who're cool at these events are the hot chicks who dress up like Seven of Nine).

It ain't right. It just ... ain't ... right. I don't give a rat's ass if it's a community of like-minded individuals who have finally, at last, found a niche in the world where they are comfortable, where they can be themselves. If you wanna do it, do in your house or some equally sanctioned place where "normal" people can avoid you. You don't see me walking around in a velour jumpsuit calling myself Mr. Suave, do you? Then why in the hell should I have to put up with some guy who is an island unto himself humping around the mall calling himself Korr?? (Admittedly, I've not ever run across this, but I am taking poetic licence. There are places where this does happen. Some people even where their captain's uniform to work.)

I swear to Christ that if I ever see a Klingon on a day that ain't Halloween, I will for sure drop a Captain Kirk double-fisted Kung Fu move on their asses. I will then, of course, move over to the Klingon chick and have some nasty, violent Klingon nookie. (Have you seen those Klingon babes in the show? If I was a Klingon, which I ain't, I'd never leave home. Seriously.)