SlowPants Bewoop Part 2
We've all met Slowpants. He's the slowest guy in my plant and the most hallucinatingest mofo I have personally met. This is including the kids in my class who ran around chomping on shrooms and pretending that they could walk through walls.
Slowpants has got another problem.
What's this?
Do I mean to tell you a guy who has massive hallucinations and couldn't walk fast to save his life has more than the usual grabbag of mental spastications?
Shit, I think I do.
Slowpants either suffers from or is protected by the singlemost handy phrase in the entire world. It's 'I was gonna say'.
Think about it for a second. 'I was gonna say' can keep you from looking like a total goon whenever you are caught standing around for more than, oh, say forty-five minutes drooling on to your shoes. Here's a viable situation:
Me: Hey, Bewoop (as I personally think of him, especially since he's been Bewoopin' his ass off nonstop for a couple days now), what's goin' down, man? Is the concrete right there gonna float away if you move?
Bewoop: No, I was ... blending ... this stuff right here. (I should point out that everything we blend takes less than fifteen minutes. In fact, if we blend some things for too long, we could use it to build a new Great Wall, and seperate Port Coquitlam from the rest of the Tri-Cities, which is something I think we should all look into)
Me: Uh-huh. I can see that. How's about we speed things along by puttin' this yere shit on that there skid so's I can put it up top for you?
Bewoop: I was gonna say that you should do that, because this stuff won't pack itself.
Me: Of course you were, Bewoop. Here's a Scooby Snak for thinking so quickly when nothing else about you is fast.
It's really kind of funny. If you think about it, for too long. Which, sadly, I have.
Oh, wait. I'm also thinking about adding another name to Slowpants Bewoop. He shall also have Tittlet added to his name; a direct result of his being so slow that I can actually hear the air particles collide against his skin is that he's gaining weight. Just in his pectoral region.
All Hail Slowpants Bewoop Tittlet, mighty creator of the "I Was Gonna Say" cult that will one day swarm the planet!
Slowpants has got another problem.
What's this?
Do I mean to tell you a guy who has massive hallucinations and couldn't walk fast to save his life has more than the usual grabbag of mental spastications?
Shit, I think I do.
Slowpants either suffers from or is protected by the singlemost handy phrase in the entire world. It's 'I was gonna say'.
Think about it for a second. 'I was gonna say' can keep you from looking like a total goon whenever you are caught standing around for more than, oh, say forty-five minutes drooling on to your shoes. Here's a viable situation:
Me: Hey, Bewoop (as I personally think of him, especially since he's been Bewoopin' his ass off nonstop for a couple days now), what's goin' down, man? Is the concrete right there gonna float away if you move?
Bewoop: No, I was ... blending ... this stuff right here. (I should point out that everything we blend takes less than fifteen minutes. In fact, if we blend some things for too long, we could use it to build a new Great Wall, and seperate Port Coquitlam from the rest of the Tri-Cities, which is something I think we should all look into)
Me: Uh-huh. I can see that. How's about we speed things along by puttin' this yere shit on that there skid so's I can put it up top for you?
Bewoop: I was gonna say that you should do that, because this stuff won't pack itself.
Me: Of course you were, Bewoop. Here's a Scooby Snak for thinking so quickly when nothing else about you is fast.
It's really kind of funny. If you think about it, for too long. Which, sadly, I have.
Oh, wait. I'm also thinking about adding another name to Slowpants Bewoop. He shall also have Tittlet added to his name; a direct result of his being so slow that I can actually hear the air particles collide against his skin is that he's gaining weight. Just in his pectoral region.
All Hail Slowpants Bewoop Tittlet, mighty creator of the "I Was Gonna Say" cult that will one day swarm the planet!
posted by Unknown @ 4:32 PM
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