Emoticons are NOT Always Necessary, Nor are Acronyms
We all know what emoticons are. We all know what acronyms are. And if you don't, well, you're either a hundred years old and are convinced that computers are the devil's handiwork or you're a fucking Luddite, in which case, I can bash you all I want. Fucking bluehaired Luddite. But I digress.
When they first came out, emoticons were the shit. They were the bomb. A semicolon and a parentheses was more than enough to tell your BBS geekoid buddies and your MSN precursor goonsquad that you were shedding a tear, either crocodilian or real (depending on the tone of the conversation) Now they are fucking everywhere. In every shape, and every form. They're animated. You can find blogs that have boobies and wangs, but no hoohoos. You can find demented little batdudes and who the fuck knows what else. They are now a plague, and gomers who are habitual posters are addicted to them. In a four word post you'll find dozens of smiley faces. I get it. You're happy. Possibly happy that you're medicated. Maybe you suffer from narcolepsy, and held your fingers on the paste function. Wake the fuck up. No one needs to be assaulted by such an endless parade of visual frippery.
The drones who use emoticons like they're Johnny Fucking Appleseed spreading appletrees across the land also use acronyms. Stuff like LMAO (laff my ass off) or ROTFLMAO (roll on the floor laffing my ass off) is pretty common. (I've even used 'em. Sometimes, it just fits.) You find shit like that on all the sites that now feature their very own chatrooms. But there's also KTCOOTN (Keep that crap out of this newsgroup) and YANETUT (You Are Not Expected To Understand This), which might sound like a new Deity but is actually an insult (Fear the dreaded Yanetut, for He Will Smite you with His Emoticon-Prong of Death!!! lmao! rotfl! :) :) ;) )
You know what I think? I think in another ten years, all the kiddies sucking on the electroteat of their plasma monitors won't be able to speak or read a normal language. Icons and acronyms are pervasive, they're r fucking mental memes that override your brain structure, until you're no longer able to even comprehend anything else. Our children will be permanently hooked up to the computer, endlessy churning out new and never before seen emoticons (maybe something with spam?) and hammering out pointlessly derivative acronyms (imagine hundreds of letters forming something as arcane as a quantum physics equation scrolling across your IM host in response to your question about a/s/l?). I imagine that one day, new symbolic acronyms will come into existence to say it all. FOR EXAMPLE: (symbolA= "ROFLMAOWTIME" + "DNPM") + (symbolB = "OMFG" / "FIGJAM") = (some inherently arcane concept that anyone over thirty couldn't possibly hope to understand, so why fucking bother?)
It'll happen motherfuckers, and if you've got kids now, make goddamned sure they now how to read something written in your natural language, even if it's only a fucking comic book. Otherwise, one morning, they're gonna starting clicking and squeaking at you.
When they first came out, emoticons were the shit. They were the bomb. A semicolon and a parentheses was more than enough to tell your BBS geekoid buddies and your MSN precursor goonsquad that you were shedding a tear, either crocodilian or real (depending on the tone of the conversation) Now they are fucking everywhere. In every shape, and every form. They're animated. You can find blogs that have boobies and wangs, but no hoohoos. You can find demented little batdudes and who the fuck knows what else. They are now a plague, and gomers who are habitual posters are addicted to them. In a four word post you'll find dozens of smiley faces. I get it. You're happy. Possibly happy that you're medicated. Maybe you suffer from narcolepsy, and held your fingers on the paste function. Wake the fuck up. No one needs to be assaulted by such an endless parade of visual frippery.
The drones who use emoticons like they're Johnny Fucking Appleseed spreading appletrees across the land also use acronyms. Stuff like LMAO (laff my ass off) or ROTFLMAO (roll on the floor laffing my ass off) is pretty common. (I've even used 'em. Sometimes, it just fits.) You find shit like that on all the sites that now feature their very own chatrooms. But there's also KTCOOTN (Keep that crap out of this newsgroup) and YANETUT (You Are Not Expected To Understand This), which might sound like a new Deity but is actually an insult (Fear the dreaded Yanetut, for He Will Smite you with His Emoticon-Prong of Death!!! lmao! rotfl! :) :) ;) )
You know what I think? I think in another ten years, all the kiddies sucking on the electroteat of their plasma monitors won't be able to speak or read a normal language. Icons and acronyms are pervasive, they're r fucking mental memes that override your brain structure, until you're no longer able to even comprehend anything else. Our children will be permanently hooked up to the computer, endlessy churning out new and never before seen emoticons (maybe something with spam?) and hammering out pointlessly derivative acronyms (imagine hundreds of letters forming something as arcane as a quantum physics equation scrolling across your IM host in response to your question about a/s/l?). I imagine that one day, new symbolic acronyms will come into existence to say it all. FOR EXAMPLE: (symbolA= "ROFLMAOWTIME" + "DNPM") + (symbolB = "OMFG" / "FIGJAM") = (some inherently arcane concept that anyone over thirty couldn't possibly hope to understand, so why fucking bother?)
It'll happen motherfuckers, and if you've got kids now, make goddamned sure they now how to read something written in your natural language, even if it's only a fucking comic book. Otherwise, one morning, they're gonna starting clicking and squeaking at you.
posted by Unknown @ 8:03 PM
1 Comments:
I blame Prince. After all he's been substituting "2" for "to", "4" for "for", and "U" for "you" for as long as he's been writing songs. The worst part is that it's part of his everyday writing style. I once read an essay that he wrote. He made some very intelligent points but the whole thing was completely negated by his use of language.
Post a Comment
<< Home