Things I need to Practice

As a volunteer for my local police department, there are a few things that I need to work on if I want to remain being a volunteer. Now, since it's been only one day, you might wonder if I've already had a 'conversation' with someone who is the boss of me.

Not yet. No, these are merely some things that I've noticed about myself that might not ... fit in ... with the 'community' perspectus of appropriate behavior.

We all know that I am opinionated and that I like to make fun of people. Sometimes in front of them, but most of the time behind their backs, which is far more appropriate. It's generally not as fun to laugh at someone when they're right there. The urge to mock people is one that should be surpressed while working in the station. Also, the practicing of sarcasm, on account of the fact that I've remembered that for some reason, some people just don't 'get' sarcasm. My feeling on a person's lack of 'getting sarcasm' is in direct proportion to their overall intelligence. (Nutjob didn't get sarcasm at all, and was continually asking me if I was serious. I am very rarely serious, and when I am, it's serious like people dying. You will know when I'm taking the piss, and when I'm not.)

We also all know that I am incredibly single, and that this could easily be read as 'hormonally hyperactive'. Fine. So what. A result of this ... development ... is that I generally tend to be more ... friendly ... to women. All right, fine. I flirt. I flirt my ass off. If flirting was a fucking Olympic event, they'd have to invent a medal better than gold, because I am one flirtatious motherfucker. It'd have to be, like, an admantium medallion or some shit. It's not like I come on strong or anything, I don't take out MiniEvilMister and waggle him across the countertop, but we all know what's going on. Flirting with women who come to pick up subpoenas are not fair targets. Even if they are incredibly hot. Also, and this is far more important, is being even mildly flirtatious with female volunteers. It's covered quite clearly in the handbook I received. Also too, I have very firsthand knowledge of what happens when two people at work hook up. (For awhile, the sex is possibly the most amazing kind of sex in the universe next to make-up sex and going-away-on-a-trip sex, but then when something goes wrong, it spills out into work and then it's revolvers at ten paces. It always ends in tears. Just not mine.)

So that's it. EvilMister must learn to quell his natural instincts, even if he knows he'd get away with it. Why is this? Because my chances of eventually becoming a real cop increase exponentially the longer I volunteer, and I think being a cop would be real damned cool. (While I advocate hitting Big Brother and the Government where it hurts whenever possible, any fucking gomer who breaks the law and then gets caught deserves to go to jail. There're all kinds of motherfuckers who don't get caught. Look at Dubya. He's President, and he's a crook.)