EvilMister's First Day as a Fake Cop Is Tomorrow

Well, the headline pretty much sums up my day tomorrow. My hopes are that I will:

1. Be invited for a ridealong, where I will be able to prove that all the years of playing video games has, in fact, given me the power to shoot perps, skells, and other badguys dead with a single shot. This is important, because I have never shot a gun. Other than the blue one that I use when I play "House of the Dead 2". I kick ass at that game.
   
2. Be invited for a ridealong, where me and the other cops in the car will instead go to a stipjoint, where I will be given free lap dances because I "am one of the boys". Following the stripjoint, me and the fellas will shake up the neighborhood with many John Woo ninja-style gunfights, resulting in my being given the Key to The City.
   
3. I will at long last be able to hack into the ever-mysterious, ever-present "permanent record" and find out for sure what my Grade 9 Latin teacher really said about the time he threw a desk at me. (He really, really did. And then he gave me some peanut M&M's)
4. Run around saying, "Excuse me, sir/miss, but I have just one more question for you. I don't mean to bother you, it's just that this whole case has been going around in my mind. Do you mind if I ask you one more question?". And then, when I ask that question, I will be able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the person is the murderer, and I will change my name to Columbo.
   
5. Bust some mad caps in some fool punks who be steppin' up to me, yo!

These can really happen. They really, really can. And if things go the way I want them to, all of them will take place. Also, on account of the fact that I am sleepy and can hardly think anymore, this will be both a linkless and pictureless post.