Meet The Dog
Meet Duane Chapman, aka "The Dog". He runs Da Kine Bailbonds on Hawaii. He catches fucknobs who skip bail. Typically, they're dumbass gomers who do lots of drugs or steal shit, but they're especially stupid because they skip bail on an island. There isn't anywhere for these motherfuckers to run to.
The Dog is a badass motherfucker in his own right. I mean, lookit him. He's got the gun, the badge hanging around his neck a la bling bling, but most of all, he's got the mullet. That's right, dumbass crooks, this motherfucker is all business in the front, and if you see him comin' at you, that's it, cocksucker, game over. The Dog is all about business. If you see the backside, where the party's at, maybe you're safe. Maybe. Cuz The Dog's also gut some serious guns for arms, too. I bet he could bench press a mountain and still have room to twist some necks off.
The funny thing is, this badass, mean motherfucker who hunts down the badguys drops a prayer to The Big Man all the freakin' time. And he's got OCD when it comes to vacuuming the fucking carpet. No shit, he pulls the Hoover out all the time and sucks up the dirt. I got baaaad news for you, Dog, much like the blood on that guy's hands in that play by Shakespeare, the dirt on your soul will never go away.
Da Kine Bailbonds is a family affair, too. 's got one of his kids and his brother and I think a nephew or cousin or some shit, plus his wife. It's his wife who scares the living bejeezus out of me. She's all of five feet tall and has knockers the size of me. She says that just because she goes out to catch the bad guys (and she does!), it doesn't mean she can't wear make-up. And fake nails. The Dog's wife has those ultra-long nails coming off her fingertips that make me tremble every goddamned time I see them. The Dog might be, well, top dog, but his wife can make the tough motherfucker buckle.
The reason I watch this show is because it is fucking hilarious. The Dog knows all of the fucknobs in Hawaii. He is incredibly friendly, even after he has sprayed some hapless lolo up in his grill with some kind of concentrated pepper spray. He's offered to get skeezy skank H-addicts into rehab when said skeezy skank has gotten his entire crew into a fist fight with three houses worth of tough brah's looking for trouble. I think I even saw him cry once when he had to track some old guy who helped him get his start in the biz.
If it weren't for the mullet, I'd probably vote The Dog into office. For those of you who are interested, I am considering starting up a Canadian chapter of The Dog fanclub; with enough 'dogpoints' accrued through financial donations, you will receive your free powermullet wig with faux-tee!
The Dog is a badass motherfucker in his own right. I mean, lookit him. He's got the gun, the badge hanging around his neck a la bling bling, but most of all, he's got the mullet. That's right, dumbass crooks, this motherfucker is all business in the front, and if you see him comin' at you, that's it, cocksucker, game over. The Dog is all about business. If you see the backside, where the party's at, maybe you're safe. Maybe. Cuz The Dog's also gut some serious guns for arms, too. I bet he could bench press a mountain and still have room to twist some necks off.
The funny thing is, this badass, mean motherfucker who hunts down the badguys drops a prayer to The Big Man all the freakin' time. And he's got OCD when it comes to vacuuming the fucking carpet. No shit, he pulls the Hoover out all the time and sucks up the dirt. I got baaaad news for you, Dog, much like the blood on that guy's hands in that play by Shakespeare, the dirt on your soul will never go away.
Da Kine Bailbonds is a family affair, too. 's got one of his kids and his brother and I think a nephew or cousin or some shit, plus his wife. It's his wife who scares the living bejeezus out of me. She's all of five feet tall and has knockers the size of me. She says that just because she goes out to catch the bad guys (and she does!), it doesn't mean she can't wear make-up. And fake nails. The Dog's wife has those ultra-long nails coming off her fingertips that make me tremble every goddamned time I see them. The Dog might be, well, top dog, but his wife can make the tough motherfucker buckle.
The reason I watch this show is because it is fucking hilarious. The Dog knows all of the fucknobs in Hawaii. He is incredibly friendly, even after he has sprayed some hapless lolo up in his grill with some kind of concentrated pepper spray. He's offered to get skeezy skank H-addicts into rehab when said skeezy skank has gotten his entire crew into a fist fight with three houses worth of tough brah's looking for trouble. I think I even saw him cry once when he had to track some old guy who helped him get his start in the biz.
If it weren't for the mullet, I'd probably vote The Dog into office. For those of you who are interested, I am considering starting up a Canadian chapter of The Dog fanclub; with enough 'dogpoints' accrued through financial donations, you will receive your free powermullet wig with faux-tee!
posted by Unknown @ 8:08 PM
1 Comments:
Dog is the greatest, i watch his show every chance i get, i would actually like to meet him one day. he is a perfect example of what you can do with your life. everyone makes a mistake, but it takes a man to admit to it, then fix it, and keep it fixed. I wish all the best for him, his family and his buisness..
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